He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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