I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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