I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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