Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize