her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
