one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize