We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
