But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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