speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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