One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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