what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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