Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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