Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I want her autograph on my taint
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
