There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
