i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
