i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
