8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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