We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
