sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
