Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize