I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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