suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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