Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
