I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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