I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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