the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
