be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
