he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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