I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
im calling her cock vulture from now on
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
