i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize