And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
