I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize