i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
