Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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