The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
