After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Life is so much better after having sex.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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