Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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