My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
