Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize