I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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