if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
