Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
