If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
