Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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