i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
