why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
