Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
