Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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