can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
