saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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