Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
