I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You are the jesus of drinking
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
