I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
