I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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