I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
