You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
