Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize