so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
