he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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