I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
