i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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