Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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