How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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