If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
wow bdsm is so cute
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
