I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
