Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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