When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
