Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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