this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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