wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
