cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
