My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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