I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
